I am proud of my African ancestry - I recently found out, from my dad doing a DNA test that my ancestors came from Mali, making the story of Mansa Musa and the architecture of the library in Timbuktu even greater than previously. I'm also proud of my Irish ancestry, of my family who fought against oppression by the English, and of my English ancestry, my hard-working, Northern family. The way I look (extremely pale) and the way I sound (Queen's English with a Watford twang) means that no one would expect me to feel a sense of connection to African history, yet I do have that, and so does the woman from The Guardian's video. However, ancestry and race are two, extremely related, but separate things.
Race is a social construct, with real life consequences. Ancestry is basically biology, but tied in with culture. I have been racialised as a white woman. In other words, everyone ever to have met me (I'm pretty certain in saying this) has viewed me, and treated me as a white woman. I have never experienced discrimination for being black - because I am not. And I am not black, because I do not have black skin, or darker skin of any sort, or any features that people identify as being black. I have blue eyes, brown wavy/curly hair, and skin that burns in ten minutes or less. Yet, when I study history, when I read about continued racist discrimination and violence, I feel the fury that arises from knowing how disgustingly brutal white people have been towards black people, despite being white myself. I will never know if it is the same fury, the same level of anger, that a person of colour would feel. I will never know the psychological consequences of living in a racist, white supremacist world. I am a white woman, and thus benefit from the world.
This has always been a problem for me. Sometimes I look at myself like I am a character in a Zadie Smith novel. A white girl with a bit of Caribbean descent who has decided she feels an affinity to Caribbean culture and moves to Barbados for a year, but sticks with the exchange students because she has the freedom and the financial ability to 'explore' the Caribbean. She thinks, in writing academic work against racism, and learning history from a Caribbean perspective, rather than a Eurocentric one on her year abroad, that she is a groundbreaking, revolutionary and 'woke' human. In reading How Europe Underdeveloped Africa on the beach and shouting at white Bajans for their stereotypical remarks about black penis size, that she is a great human. When a black Barbadian man compliments her for her blue eyes and pale skin, and she recommends Black Skin, White Masks, and The Bluest Eye, she believes that she is doing her bit against colourism. But really, she is still a white girl in Barbados, enjoying all the things that a white girl in Barbados gets to enjoy.
And in a way, that is me. I, in meditating every morning, reading Buddhist mantras and only buying second hand clothes, am a stereotype of a 'woke' white girl. And, to be honest, being a woke white girl is better than being a dumb white girl/ignorant white girl/racist white girl, etc, etc. But, I really do not want to be this stereotype. I want to write anti-colonial history, I want to help tackle inequality and I want to destroy racism and white supremacy. But I don't want to be some kind of cringey ally who listens to Young, Gifted and Black and wears t-shirts saying 'Black is Beautiful'. And, I definitely do not want to be like Rachel Ann Dolezal or the mother from Ohio. I know I can’t comment much on discussions of anti-racism or bring anything to the table of black empowerment. I have had a weird relationship with Pan-Africanism (Q: can I support Garvey’s vision of the Back-to-Africa movement as a white person? [A: not really - the KKK also supported it]); with Gal-Dem (Q: can I support a WOC-written media form? [A: yes, but I cannot attempt to have a leading role in discussions]) and with my identity (Q: should I identify myself as a white woman, because of my lack of racial discrimination, or does that mean I am shunning my African heritage? [A: ?]).
So this leaves me in a weird place. I want to tackle racism and dismantle white supremacy, but I know that I don't want to invade safe spaces for people of colour, or commit cultural appropriation. I would hate to be a historian of Black British History, and take place over an actual person of colour. However, I do have an advantage (unfortunately) of being palatable to white audiences. My role in anti-racist movements is a question I ponder over a lot. However, I feel I have recently reached a conclusion.
Noel Ignatiev recently passed away, and one of his most famous (and maybe infamous?) quotes was 'treason to whiteness is loyalty to humanity'. And when I saw this in an obituary, it resonated with me like nothing has ever before. I immediately took out How the Irish Became White, from the library. Though it wasn't the best book I have ever read, I feel it has helped me to become clearer over my potential role. There are a few examples of actual good white people - John Brown, Vron Ware, Noel Ignatiev, for example - who have successfully criticised white supremacy and racism and done their bit in acting against these systems of discrimination. Though each having their flaws, none of them have pretended to be black, or appropriate other cultures, or believe that they have all the answers to racism. I feel some form of inspiration from these people. And I feel they can serve as examples to other people like me, who are visibly white, but have a genuine desire to act against racism. In W.E.B. Du Bois's work on John Brown, he spoke a lot about his socialisation in early life that led him to be the radical abolitionist he was. This has also helped me to become clearer. I don't have to solely look towards my Afro-Caribbean heritage to feel like I have a place in acting against racism. I feel like it's really dumb it's taken me this long to accept my place, I feel comfortable knowing that I can act against racism, write against racism, fascism and white supremacy, and be involved in anti-racist movements, whilst not taking the role of Dolezal or the white Ohio family in claiming or appropriating blackness. I don't want to have a passive role in the world, when I can clearly see that racism and colonialism is wrong. I also don't want to take the place of actual people of colour, when the academic and professional world continually discriminates against them. And that is okay. In fact, that's actually bloody brilliant.
